False Hope

A lot has changed. I wanted to stay in bed before this quarantine. Now I want to be anywhere but my bed. I wanted to focus on my grades before this quarantine. Now I want to focus on anything else other than my grades. Everything is unclear now… my career, my priorities, my future.

I missed getting ready in the morning, being on top of my assignments, meeting with my friends during lunch. I missed normal school. I used to be a good student, as odd as that sounds in this narrative. Waking up at 6 to make it to school, I always double checked the homework that was assigned for the day. Staying in for help, I always worried about getting a C+ on anything. It’s funny to look back on… especially since I just failed my first class.

The notes on the zoom screen are as blurry as my future. The silence in the breakout groups grew louder and louder as my mental health got worse and worse. There was very little to look forward to in any of my classes.
Until the opportunity for hands-on labs in my physics class came in. School felt real for once. Connecting wires and lighting lightbulbs, I finally learned something in that whole damn school year. It gave me hope. Maybe this was a sign that we were going back to normal times…

I came into school the day after the lab feeling like there was something to work for. It felt surreal.. Using communication skills we’ve been taught since kindergarten, coming together to struggle on the physics assignments to not feel alone, having a moment to actually see each other in the classroom, it was like inhaling the fresh air outside after finishing school or work. Relaxation, hope, and just a little bit of excitement filled my heart. Coming back to school everyday, normally? That was a funny thought yet the false hope of it happening drove me to work a bit harder. Surely, I never really did get back into my very hardworking mindset but I was better than before.

Eventually we had more labs and they just kept coming. It was then that I realized that maybe I needed to distract myself from the loneliness with busiwork. Maybe I needed to have something to work on in my free time. Maybe I needed to be surrounded by individuals who spoke and learned and tried and worked.

False hope really turned into something, huh?

This narrative, written for College & Career Writing with Mr. Stastny, answers the question “What was life like for students?” during the last school year.